“Now each of us is preparing to die … This is truly the moment to remember love. Did we love enough? Did we spend hours a day marveling at other people, being happy together, feeling the value of contact? Did we know how to devote ourselves to tenderness? Because there is nothing else”.

In case you haven’t heard of the Luke Bitmead Bursary, check out the website. If you’re an unpublished writer, definitely enter next year’s contest. It’s how I got my break and became a published author, and I can highly recommend it. If not, please consider donating or buying Luke’s books – all royalties go to the Memorial Fund. You can also see the text of Elaine’s wonderful speech from the other night.

Congratulations Sophie! I look forward to reading The Generation Game.

The offer is only available through the website www.buybitmeadbooks.com.

If you are an unpublished novelist with a manuscript ready to submit, I’d really recommend entering. Winning changed my life completely, and it’s been fantastic to see On the Holloway Road in bookshops all over London. I’m sure last year’s winner Ruth Dugdall would agree – her winning book, The Woman Before Me, comes out in August. There’s no entry fee, so all you’re risking is the postage, and the potential rewards are huge.

Luke Bitmead was a talented writer who died tragically young, and his family set up a Memorial Fund to help fledgling novelists to get published. I’d recommend checking out Luke’s website, now run by his family and giving details of the fund and its work.

This is the prize that I won last year, leading to the publication of On the Holloway Road. You enter the first three chapters of your novel, and it’s judged by a panel including novelists Deborah Wright and Zoe Jenny, as well as Luke’s family and the Legend Press team. The winner gets £2,500 and a publishing contract with Legend Press.

I’d strongly recommend this to any unpublished writers who are looking for a break. It’s free to enter and winning is a fantastic way to get published. It has quite literally changed my life.

I love contests in general, especially for new writers. The big advantage is that you’re on a level playing field. Usually the manuscripts have to be anonymous, so it doesn’t matter whether you have any track record, any contacts in the publishing world, etc. It’s all about the writing, and that’s what you want as an unpublished writer. Also, the contest organisers have actively asked for submissions and are looking for a winner, so you know your work will be read. It’s very different from submitting your manuscript to an editor or agent who’s swamped with submissions and is looking for any excuse to reject you. If you win, or are even shortlisted, it’s something to put on your writing CV for the rest of your life. Contests are how I got my first essay, my first short story and now my first novel published. Enter more contests!!

Even if you don’t plan to enter, the website for the foundation is worth a look. It was originally Luke’s personal website/blog, so you can see his posts and photos from 2006, and his family have now added information about the memorial fund. As well as helping new writers, the fund aims to spread awareness of mental health issues and encourage greater research and understanding, so it’s a good cause. And do check out both of Luke’s books – they are both well-written, very good reads.

Am I OK?? I’m fantastic! I just won the Luke Bitmead Writers Bursary. The prize: £2,500 and a publishing contract with Legend Press!!! After years of writing with no prospect of success, I have a publishing contract for my first novel. I can call myself a writer without having to qualify or justify it.

I think that’s why I can’t sleep. It’s mostly pure, uncut, grade A adrenalin of course, but I think my brain is also buzzing so much because it’s trying to process the enormous change that has occurred in a single evening. In the past, when I heard people say “It hasn’t really sunk in yet” I never really understood. Sink in? Smelled like bullshit to me, just the sort of thing people say because they’ve heard other people say it in similar situations and they think it’ll make them seem gracious or something, when all they really want to do is dance around the room shouting “I’m the winner, I’m the winner!”

But now I think I understand what the sinking in thing is all about. For years I have been a struggling unpublished author. I have created stories to explain my situation to myself and others. I have grown somewhat comfortable in this role and reveled a little in the self-sacrificial nature of it. I have derived a certain satisfaction from sniping at published authors, jealously wondering how they got published when I couldn’t. Now suddenly, with the presentation of an envelope, a book and one of those large plastic cheques, I have been catapulted over to the other side of the fence. Suddenly I am one of those smug people with book deals who like to talk about their next Waterstones signing.

I have not yet made the adjustment, though. In my head I still feel part of the unpublished crowd. Someone at the event was offering around flyers for a fledgling-writers website and said to me “Oh, you won’t want this, though, you’re a published author now.” I didn’t really know what he meant for a while. So I suppose all these hours of staring into the darkness have been about adjusting slowly to the fact that I have a book deal. I still don’t think I’m there yet, but perhaps at least my brain is starting to catch up with events. I feel somewhere in midair now. In no way am I anything other than delighted, over the moon, ecstatic, psyched, etc. etc., but I suppose that being in midair and not knowing exactly where you’re going to land is also a little anxiety-inducing. I am entering the unknown. I’m having to create new stories to explain myself to myself.

Well, a little incoherent but I wanted to record how I feel. Now I have to go back to bed and stare at the ceiling for another few hours. Will try to write something more considered when I’ve had some sleep, so probably some time next week.